Relationship plays a huge part in our life. It’s proven that a good interpersonal relation is essential for our overall well-being. There are many secrets behind a good relationship. We have listed out a few basic key points for you.
1) Who we are individually?
We have heard a lot of this quote, ‘Opposites attract’, however we need to understand there is a difference between attraction and sticking to each other in long run. It’s essential to understand what are we as individuals, our fundamental virtues and visions. We tend to match our similarities but least we think about our differences. It’s not about social differences or taboo but as human beings what our approach towards life, thought processes and most importantly - our relationship goals are.
If we want to go a long way together, isn’t it necessary that we are complementary to each other? Couples are like two wheels of a bicycle - if willing to go in opposite directions, they will be stuck instead of going ahead towards their shared destination.
2) Have you been with each other during all seasons (metaphorically)?
It’s easy to be with someone during their best days. We are well aware of the cycles of life which comprise of all kinds of days- good, bad, boring, fun, etc. Self knowledge is as much essential as knowing someone we intend to be with. We get to know how we individually respond to different situations in life. We don’t have to be same. We all are unique and different but how acceptable we are of each other in different seasons in our life. No matter how romantic love at first sight seem, when it comes to travel a long distance together, taking time helps. When we had taken so much effort and time to learn how to write a, b, c, d…, our endeavour to build a healthy relationship requires reasonable time too.
3) How much ‘Quality Time’ do you spend?
Quality time is about the time where we genuinely are with each other and sharing our worlds. Be it a usual evening with hot beverage, having conversations or doing activities together such as hanging out with friends and family, cooking together, pursuing our hobbies, taking care of kids (in case of single parents), etc. It amounts to anything that helps our partner know more about us and how we operate. Occasional surprises will add more fuel to the relationship and keeps it alive and young. According to scientific findings, People who spend more into experiences than products have more fulfilling life. So planning an outdoor escapade, a recreational break or a trip/vacation might pay off big time and contribute to collective happiness.
4) How much are you both willing to endure for each other?
Expressing love is less difficult than going all the way through. We can be willing to be together but less we think about how much we can endure to make efforts for such feat. On practical note, lots of couples split because of disapproval from family and society. It’s again individual choice whether to listen to the heart or to people around us. No judgment. However, this needs to be conveyed to the partner as clearly as we can and as early as possible. Moreover, no relationship is always smooth. Having a notion that if something is not going well temporarily, it is a valid reason to let it go, could leave you with some regrets later. Because with time and experience we do get courage to endure hell lot of things.
5) Are you aware of the dark side?
Dark side doesn’t mean negative. It means something that we are unaware of or oblivious to. Darkness is nothing but the absence of light. So are we aware of the respective dark side which is unknown to us. Agreed that it takes a lifetime to know someone and then also we don’t know them fully because human behaviour keeps changing and evolving. But there are some basic things we need to know and process, such as - our triggers, our deep rooted emotions, quality of friends, hobbies, preferences, pacifiers, how much space we need, etc.
6) Do you match when it comes to fundamental ground/purpose?
Losing one another in love should not make you so lost that you no longer recognize yourself. Falling in love and losing oneself in it are just expressions meant for describing how it makes us feel. The better way is to rise in it. Nothing is more fulfilling in courtship than serving each other as a support to grow in life and one of the main key points here is ‘Trust’. If we do not have trust and faith, the basis of the relationship is shaky. That is why understanding fundamental grounds/purpose plays an important role in determining how far we can go together. The strength of a tree depends on the depth of it’s roots and the ground it’s holding on to. May be this does not matter much when both of us are flexible enough to accept differences gracefully and amicably.
7) Do you help to overcome each others’ shortcomings or encourage bad habits?
One of the world teachers said, “there’s nothing called as good or bad habits. There are only conscious and unconscious habits”. Habits that we find difficult to change are unconscious ones because the only reason we are unable to transform is due to being oblivious to the real reason why we are stuck with them. This includes lots of things, such as anger, reactions instead of thoughtful response, impatience, addictions to substances, intoxication, etc. If two people are willing to be together, naturally it’s because they think they are good for each others’ well-being. However, if the consequence of the courtship leads to further deterioration, definitely the relationship is not healthy. Instead of falling into deeper hole, we should play a role to buckle up for betterment and growth as much as we can. Transformation is inevitable, however, we have a choice to be complimentary for well-needed transformation.
8) How communicative you are?
Imagine listening to someone in the language you don’t understand and vis-a-versa. How much will you guys be able to follow up with what has to be done. It’s quite natural for us to think that what we understand, the other person would to. Fortunately, that’s not true because at least it gives us chance to widen up our horizon to accept someone different from us. So what does being communicative really means? The purpose of communication is only one thing and that’s exchange of information in the manner we understand. Those could be verbal or non-verbal cues. Every person is unique and have their own pace, way and comfort to communicate. This also includes ‘in the manner’ we talk to each other. At the end, what has to be said, should be said keeping the right framework in mind. Along with that, listening to the other is another side of the coin. This is, in fact more important than saying. That’s why we have one mouth and two ears. This is how it rolls in to and fro making each other comfortable enough to be expressive without hesitation.
